Having a difficult conversation with staff

Aug 29
3 min read

Updated: 2 days ago

Introduction

Somebody's work has slipped. It has been noticeable for two months, the owner has said nothing because they like the person and the team is small, and the frustration has come out twice in short remarks that made things worse rather than better.

By the time it is raised properly it is a bigger conversation than it needed to be, the employee is surprised because nobody told them, and the only route left is a formal one. Almost every disciplinary process in a small business started as a conversation that somebody put off. The formal process is what remains once the informal options have been used up.

1. Having a difficult conversation with staff is cheapest when it happens early

Delay changes what is possible.

Raised in week one it is a quiet word that fixes something. Raised in month four it is a formal meeting about a sustained pattern, and the employee can reasonably ask why nobody mentioned it before.

2. Be clear what the conversation is about before you start

One issue, specifically.

Vague dissatisfaction produces a defensive conversation about nothing in particular. Knowing exactly what you have observed, on which occasions, keeps it factual and gives the person something they can actually act on.

3. Deal with behaviour and output, not personality

The distinction that keeps it usable.

Not that somebody is careless or difficult, but what they did, when, and what the effect was. Character assessments cannot be evidenced, cannot be changed on request, and are what makes these conversations feel like an attack.

4. Choose the moment and the place

Not in front of others, not in passing.

A private conversation at a time when neither of you is under pressure. Raising something in a workshop or a shop floor in front of colleagues guarantees a defensive response regardless of how reasonable the point is.

5. Say it plainly

Softening obscures the message.

Employers frequently pad the point so heavily that the employee leaves unaware there was a problem, and are then surprised nothing changes. Being direct and being unkind are not the same thing, and the first is fairer.

6. Then stop talking

The part most people skip.

Ask for their view and let there be a silence. There is frequently a reason you did not know about, and even where there is not, somebody who has been listened to responds very differently from somebody who has been lectured.

7. Agree what happens next

A conversation without an outcome achieves little.

What will change, by when, and what support is needed. Vague agreement that things will improve gives you nothing to return to, and returning to it is usually necessary.

8. Write a short note afterwards

Even for an informal conversation.

Date, what was discussed, what was agreed. This is not building a case; it is what allows you to have a fair second conversation, and it is what demonstrates the problem was raised if things go further.

9. Follow up when you said you would

Where credibility is decided.

If nothing is said afterwards, the message is that it did not really matter. A short check-in acknowledging improvement, or noting that it has not happened, is what makes the first conversation count.

Consider whether the problem is actually yours. Unclear expectations, inadequate training, a workload nobody could manage or a process that does not work all appear as individual performance problems. Checking that first prevents an unfair conversation and occasionally fixes the issue outright.

Conclusion

Have it early, because delay removes every informal option.

Know precisely what you are raising, describe behaviour and output rather than character, choose a private moment, say it plainly rather than padding it into invisibility, ask for their view and listen properly, agree specific changes and a timeframe, write a short note afterwards, follow up when you said you would, and first check whether unclear expectations or workload are the real cause.